A Preemptive Apology

I know I haven’t met you yet, but I apologize in advance

I won’t be able to make it easy for you to love me

It’s going to be hard for me to let you in

All the others who have come before have left you little

And there isn’t much I can do to get it back

 

You’ll have to work twice as hard to break down walls others built around me

I won’t believe you when you say things they once said even if you mean it

And I’ll probably punish you for all of their mistakes

I’ll definitely avoid connecting with you on things I shared with him because to me they will still be sacred topics

 

There will be times I can’t explain what I am feeling

and times I’ll just break down and you won’t understand

I’ll spend a long time not letting myself get close to you

And I’ll probably flinch the first time you hold my hand

 

But worst of all, you’ll have to spend your whole life knowing

I can never give my whole heart to you because there are parts of it I’ll never get back. 

You will have to settle for the mangled fragments I managed to salvage

and I will spend my whole life feeling ashamed that’s all I have to give

 

But I promise, if you can get past my imperfections,

if you can forgive me for the shields around my heart,

if you can be patient with me while I fight what I am feeling,

if you can see past all the broken glass 

 

I promise I will learn to love you. 

I promise I’ll try my hardest to forget.

I know at some point my walls will come down

though the time it takes may be longer than it’s worth. 

I promise I will give you everything I have left. 

 

I’ll learn to make coffee the way you love it and cook your eggs just right. 

I’ll straighten your tie as you get ready for work and make your favorite pies at Thanksgiving. 

I’ll be kind to your mother even if she hates me and I’ll ask your father for advice. 

I’ll go shopping with your sister if you have one and stand up for you when your brother is at arms. 

 

I know that this is a lot to ask of you, I know the order’s tall.  But I promise if you can get past all of my problems, my love is really worth it after all.

 

Man's Best Friend

And yet again the heroine closes the chapter alone

No one here by her side and nowhere left to go

She sits alone 

with the car in park

While her world

both inside and out

grows dark

She’s a simple girl

With a simple heart

Never asking more than she’s due

Never speaking back to you

Patient, kind, never complaining

Never over estimating

Strong and steadfast

Always here to support you

Unconditionally loyal

Perpetually faithful

Always mans best friend

And she will never be more than that to you

Salutations to a fool

Congratulations, hurrah, hooray!
Indeed you've surely won

The game is finally over

and a what splendid win it was

You found your one “un-getable” get

And you gave her quite the run

You got the fool to fall for you

To fall not once but twice

And what a silly notion thought she

that her heart could ever suffice

Giving to you so willingly

So free and unashamed

Her truest ruby she passed to you

And watched it slip away

Knowing not what was to become

Of her faint and fragile heart

Guarding it so carefully while

you but played your part

But slowly work your magic you did

And slowly the walls came down

And finally, you could see it

The shining victors crown!

Alas you're a stunning showman

And the victor’s crown you'll wear

With pose and grace and arrogance

When through the lonely fields you tear

And think not of the broken dame

Just leave her as she lay

For in the morning they shall send some other Jester

to come carry her away

You've made a fool of her and for no reason

For what reason could you have?

Incomplete

The phone rings, it isn't you I sigh and put it down


If its space you need I understand


Take all the time you need


I’ll be here, waiting patiently, right where you left me


But I’ll ask of you just one small favor


Tiny as it may be


Try not to take too long my love


For surely you can see


That underneath my stoic face


My heart cries out for you


It’s not that I can’t go on


Nor is it that I’m weak


It’s just that when were not together


My heart feels incomplete

It is he

His voice danced around her mind and swirled around her heart as a nymph might fly around a field of flowers on the first day of spring. He filled her with life; he was an enhancer. Everything with him carried such an intensity and passion that one couldn’t help but beg to be consumed by it. The vehemence of his pull on her was inexplicable, as if he himself were her centre of gravity. She wanted to get lost in him; to let go completely and drown for eternity in the depths of his soul. Happiness came easy when she was with him and she had missed him greatly. She had near forgotten what it felt like to be with him, to stay up all night talk to him about everything and nothing. He calmed her, honed her attention, in ways no others could manage. And so she let go, once and for all, of all her inhibitions and let her lungs breathe him in and surround her. Certainly, she thought, it can get no better than this. It was in this moment that she realized it had always been him. That’s why she could never let go. That’s why she could never truly let her heart forget. He was the one above all others, which her heart and mind yearned for in sequence. It was he and it always would be.

The Music

Her mind paced at the speed of light trying to analysis every angle of the situation. Half of her was aching to reconnect to the only other living soul to which she felt so completely drawn. The other urging her to reconsider; to remember what had led her to this path to begin with. A literal civil war of the heart and mind, one in which, regardless of victory, none could truly win. She had always loved him. From the first moment she saw him walking in late to their morning class she felt pulled towards him. An instant urge to get to know him better. Once the spark was lit the eternal fire was ablaze but neither was prepared nor equipped to harness its flame. Naturally Envy struck down with the force of a thousand armies and quickly turned the fire to a pile of ash. Fate however managed to salvage the smallest of embers, as her plans were not yet finished. All these things raced around her mind, as the kinder, more indulgent part of her, wanted nothing more than to cradle the ember with the most delicate touch until it again found the air to burn as it once did. And so continues the war of the heart and the mind; each one gaining an inch only to lose it in the moments that follow. Softly, she whispers at both to be still. She must act independent of both because Fate is the true composer here. But only she has the power to decide how this symphony ends and the rest must simply listen to the music.

Everybody Talks

She lay there dissecting every line in her mind as the tears rolled down her cheek onto the white Egyptian cotton pillowcase. Maybe - conditional adverb meaning something is a possibility. We, group pronoun, now broken into two individual pronouns you and I. Can, a slightly more direct verb but still operating conditionally under the presence of maybe. Talk- something they once did often but the subject of which had recently become inherently less in depth that she was accustomed. Sometime- here we are back to the conditional and undefined. Everything in her life seemed to come with conditions these days. An eternal bartering system really. But it was not unlike him to make everything a negotiation. Even his relationships acted as business transactions. You give this and in exchange I shall provide that. “Seems to be getting harder to keep score these days doesn’t it” she thought.