On nights like this

On nights like this when the air is chilled

And the moon is hanging low

When the wind covers my cheeks in kisses

When the stars shine on all my wishes

I think of you and sigh a little

Because on nights like this, I miss you

On nights like this when I’m lost in my mind

And looking in my heart for answers I won’t find

When my eyes trace lines on the bedroom floor

When fingers race across my worn key board

I remember the few times you held my hand

And then, I start to miss you

On nights like this when silence sneaks in

And I’d do anything to break it

When the sound of my breath carries panic

When my legs start pacing back and forth, manic

I hear your voice whisper to me softly

And I remember why I miss you

On all other nights I can compromise

And teach myself to forget the look in your eyes

When you smiled at me

Or when you said "I love you"

On all other nights I can let you go

But on nights like tonight, I miss you

A Preemptive Apology

I know I haven’t met you yet, but I apologize in advance

I won’t be able to make it easy for you to love me

It’s going to be hard for me to let you in

All the others who have come before have left you little

And there isn’t much I can do to get it back

 

You’ll have to work twice as hard to break down walls others built around me

I won’t believe you when you say things they once said even if you mean it

And I’ll probably punish you for all of their mistakes

I’ll definitely avoid connecting with you on things I shared with him because to me they will still be sacred topics

 

There will be times I can’t explain what I am feeling

and times I’ll just break down and you won’t understand

I’ll spend a long time not letting myself get close to you

And I’ll probably flinch the first time you hold my hand

 

But worst of all, you’ll have to spend your whole life knowing

I can never give my whole heart to you because there are parts of it I’ll never get back. 

You will have to settle for the mangled fragments I managed to salvage

and I will spend my whole life feeling ashamed that’s all I have to give

 

But I promise, if you can get past my imperfections,

if you can forgive me for the shields around my heart,

if you can be patient with me while I fight what I am feeling,

if you can see past all the broken glass 

 

I promise I will learn to love you. 

I promise I’ll try my hardest to forget.

I know at some point my walls will come down

though the time it takes may be longer than it’s worth. 

I promise I will give you everything I have left. 

 

I’ll learn to make coffee the way you love it and cook your eggs just right. 

I’ll straighten your tie as you get ready for work and make your favorite pies at Thanksgiving. 

I’ll be kind to your mother even if she hates me and I’ll ask your father for advice. 

I’ll go shopping with your sister if you have one and stand up for you when your brother is at arms. 

 

I know that this is a lot to ask of you, I know the order’s tall.  But I promise if you can get past all of my problems, my love is really worth it after all.

 

Man's Best Friend

And yet again the heroine closes the chapter alone

No one here by her side and nowhere left to go

She sits alone 

with the car in park

While her world

both inside and out

grows dark

She’s a simple girl

With a simple heart

Never asking more than she’s due

Never speaking back to you

Patient, kind, never complaining

Never over estimating

Strong and steadfast

Always here to support you

Unconditionally loyal

Perpetually faithful

Always mans best friend

And she will never be more than that to you

Salutations to a fool

Congratulations, hurrah, hooray!
Indeed you've surely won

The game is finally over

and a what splendid win it was

You found your one “un-getable” get

And you gave her quite the run

You got the fool to fall for you

To fall not once but twice

And what a silly notion thought she

that her heart could ever suffice

Giving to you so willingly

So free and unashamed

Her truest ruby she passed to you

And watched it slip away

Knowing not what was to become

Of her faint and fragile heart

Guarding it so carefully while

you but played your part

But slowly work your magic you did

And slowly the walls came down

And finally, you could see it

The shining victors crown!

Alas you're a stunning showman

And the victor’s crown you'll wear

With pose and grace and arrogance

When through the lonely fields you tear

And think not of the broken dame

Just leave her as she lay

For in the morning they shall send some other Jester

to come carry her away

You've made a fool of her and for no reason

For what reason could you have?

Incomplete

The phone rings, it isn't you I sigh and put it down


If its space you need I understand


Take all the time you need


I’ll be here, waiting patiently, right where you left me


But I’ll ask of you just one small favor


Tiny as it may be


Try not to take too long my love


For surely you can see


That underneath my stoic face


My heart cries out for you


It’s not that I can’t go on


Nor is it that I’m weak


It’s just that when were not together


My heart feels incomplete

It is he

His voice danced around her mind and swirled around her heart as a nymph might fly around a field of flowers on the first day of spring. He filled her with life; he was an enhancer. Everything with him carried such an intensity and passion that one couldn’t help but beg to be consumed by it. The vehemence of his pull on her was inexplicable, as if he himself were her centre of gravity. She wanted to get lost in him; to let go completely and drown for eternity in the depths of his soul. Happiness came easy when she was with him and she had missed him greatly. She had near forgotten what it felt like to be with him, to stay up all night talk to him about everything and nothing. He calmed her, honed her attention, in ways no others could manage. And so she let go, once and for all, of all her inhibitions and let her lungs breathe him in and surround her. Certainly, she thought, it can get no better than this. It was in this moment that she realized it had always been him. That’s why she could never let go. That’s why she could never truly let her heart forget. He was the one above all others, which her heart and mind yearned for in sequence. It was he and it always would be.

The Music

Her mind paced at the speed of light trying to analysis every angle of the situation. Half of her was aching to reconnect to the only other living soul to which she felt so completely drawn. The other urging her to reconsider; to remember what had led her to this path to begin with. A literal civil war of the heart and mind, one in which, regardless of victory, none could truly win. She had always loved him. From the first moment she saw him walking in late to their morning class she felt pulled towards him. An instant urge to get to know him better. Once the spark was lit the eternal fire was ablaze but neither was prepared nor equipped to harness its flame. Naturally Envy struck down with the force of a thousand armies and quickly turned the fire to a pile of ash. Fate however managed to salvage the smallest of embers, as her plans were not yet finished. All these things raced around her mind, as the kinder, more indulgent part of her, wanted nothing more than to cradle the ember with the most delicate touch until it again found the air to burn as it once did. And so continues the war of the heart and the mind; each one gaining an inch only to lose it in the moments that follow. Softly, she whispers at both to be still. She must act independent of both because Fate is the true composer here. But only she has the power to decide how this symphony ends and the rest must simply listen to the music.

Everybody Talks

She lay there dissecting every line in her mind as the tears rolled down her cheek onto the white Egyptian cotton pillowcase. Maybe - conditional adverb meaning something is a possibility. We, group pronoun, now broken into two individual pronouns you and I. Can, a slightly more direct verb but still operating conditionally under the presence of maybe. Talk- something they once did often but the subject of which had recently become inherently less in depth that she was accustomed. Sometime- here we are back to the conditional and undefined. Everything in her life seemed to come with conditions these days. An eternal bartering system really. But it was not unlike him to make everything a negotiation. Even his relationships acted as business transactions. You give this and in exchange I shall provide that. “Seems to be getting harder to keep score these days doesn’t it” she thought.

A Heart Like Mine

I was recently told that there are three types of people in the world; givers, takers and traders. Me? I am a giver. When I give, I give all I have. When I love, I love with all I have. I don’t keep score; I don’t count favors. Bartering is not part of who I am. I give because I am a giver by nature, because that’s how it should be. My love is deep and constant. It is not fickle; it does not change its mind. It is not pretentious or proud. I know not how to guard a heart like mine for guarded hearts rarely feel the true depths of love. While I may embellish it with a small box for protection at times, the first sight of wind sends in tumbling to the earth. But such a stance often causes more pain than most. I open my heart easily and freely; I see the best in others and as such can be disappointed far more frequently than others. A heart like mine was made to be broken.

I dream

I dream of silence on a mountain top
I dream of days I have long forgot
I dream of Paris in the snow
I dream of nights on the beach
I could dream to fill a lifetime
If all my dreams came true
But what’s the point in dreaming
If the dream is not for two?
I could have the moon in the southern sky
I could have the stars on a pitch-black night
I could have the ocean, the rivers, and the trees
I could have the blue birds that sing in the spring
Anything in this world, I could have if I chose
But it all means nothing if I’m not with you.

Your Eyes

I miss our conversations and the sparkle in your eyes. I miss the phone calls that last all night. I hate that we lost that connection and that we don’t feel close anymore. I know that things will never be the same but I miss the comfort of your understanding. I miss the way we spoke in words few others understood. Not often do you find someone with whom you connect so easily yet even as I write these words I remember the cloudy days. I remember the times we fought when you thought I didn’t understand, when you wanted me to take a leap I wasn’t ready for, when I couldn’t bear my soul as you desired. We rode the waves to safety but never really left the shore. We simply waited hoping to get swept away again. I miss the way it felt to be with you on those cold December nights. I miss the light in your eyes.

Without you

Being without you is lonely in the strangest kind of way
There is no gaping whole of sorrow
My life didn’t stop when you drove away
This feeling isn’t overwhelming
It doesn’t leave me paralyzed
I miss you in the smallest ways
Like being covered in a thousand tiny paper cuts
Each memory as insatiable as the last
They sting and pulse with every touch
But no blood rushes to the incision
There are no wounds to nurse
Just small enough to cause no bleeding
Just strong enough to cause great pain
Being without you is lonely in the strangest kind of way

The City

I step into the darkness of the city
Pacing down the sidewalks that are broken
I look around the streets for answers
Ever searching for the light

The evening is chilled by the winds of the city
As the people huddle under the streetlights
Glass lay on the street broken
As the people cry out unanswered

For a silence has consumed the city
As they too search blankly for the answers
And the guardian of hope treads lightly
Protecting souls on the verge of breaking

There is an emptiness that fills the city
Making whole what once was broken
For in the darkness of ourselves we find answers
That carry us back to the light

Find Me

Wait for me in strawberry fields
As the city lights go dark
And we’ll count the stars above us
As we wonder through the park

Find me in Boston Harbor
By the ships that sail away
We’ll catch the first boat out of here
And find our dreams amidst the bay

Look for me on the Champs Elysee
I’ll be dancing in the streets
Singing songs of love to you
From the corner where we’ll meet

Meet me on Grand Avenue
And we’ll stroll down memory lane
Looking back on our time together
As you take my breath away

We’ll travel the world together
Close your eyes and you shall see
The world could be our playground
Eternally, you and me

Tired

“You alright over there” questioned the voice across the room. “Yes”, she replied, “I’m just tired.” And she was tired, of everything. Tired of waiting, tired of wishing, tired of being disappointed. She spent her whole life chasing dreams she would never reach. He could have any girl he wanted and the last thing he wanted was her. She lay there motionless for the slightest movement may be the difference between her sanity and her shattered heart. He was everything to her. The best friend, the confidant, the sounding board. When she had a rough day, he was the first person she called because somehow he always seemed to know just what to say to take her mind elsewhere. Likewise, when he had great news, she was his number one. Their lives were so entwined it was hard to imagine it could ever be any different. They were partners in crime and losing him would, at the very least, mean losing part of herself.