A Preemptive Apology

I know I haven’t met you yet, but I apologize in advance

I won’t be able to make it easy for you to love me

It’s going to be hard for me to let you in

All the others who have come before have left you little

And there isn’t much I can do to get it back

 

You’ll have to work twice as hard to break down walls others built around me

I won’t believe you when you say things they once said even if you mean it

And I’ll probably punish you for all of their mistakes

I’ll definitely avoid connecting with you on things I shared with him because to me they will still be sacred topics

 

There will be times I can’t explain what I am feeling

and times I’ll just break down and you won’t understand

I’ll spend a long time not letting myself get close to you

And I’ll probably flinch the first time you hold my hand

 

But worst of all, you’ll have to spend your whole life knowing

I can never give my whole heart to you because there are parts of it I’ll never get back. 

You will have to settle for the mangled fragments I managed to salvage

and I will spend my whole life feeling ashamed that’s all I have to give

 

But I promise, if you can get past my imperfections,

if you can forgive me for the shields around my heart,

if you can be patient with me while I fight what I am feeling,

if you can see past all the broken glass 

 

I promise I will learn to love you. 

I promise I’ll try my hardest to forget.

I know at some point my walls will come down

though the time it takes may be longer than it’s worth. 

I promise I will give you everything I have left. 

 

I’ll learn to make coffee the way you love it and cook your eggs just right. 

I’ll straighten your tie as you get ready for work and make your favorite pies at Thanksgiving. 

I’ll be kind to your mother even if she hates me and I’ll ask your father for advice. 

I’ll go shopping with your sister if you have one and stand up for you when your brother is at arms. 

 

I know that this is a lot to ask of you, I know the order’s tall.  But I promise if you can get past all of my problems, my love is really worth it after all.