Self Preservation

You write to me in sorrow, your heart drenched in tears

You miss me…

You love me…

You’re sorry…

And….

What do you want me to tell you?

What would you like me to say?

That I’ve been alone by choice since you left me

That the wall around my heart is taller and more prominent than ever

That I can’t stop comparing every person I meet to you

Every relationship to us

Should I recount the hours spent in mourning

Should I recall the nights unslept

Should I tell you the horror stories of heart break

as if you have not heard them from me before?

If that is what you truly desire

I am happy to oblige

But I need not your pity or regret

Would it help you to know that I’m happy?

Would it help you to know I’m ok?

I’m not angry, or hurt, or upset

I just don’t know what to say

It’s not that I never think of you

It’s that for a long time, I could think of little else

You’re a poison to me

You pulse in my veins and race in my heart

You consume my thoughts and flood my mind

I have but two choices

Let the poison consume me and fall forever in its depths

Or extract the poison from my blood until there is nothing left

You have taken the first option from me so the second is my reservation

You see, it’s not that I don’t love you

It’s that you made this a game of self-preservation